Pillars of Fire: Insanity

I’ve decided I’m insane. Chris told me that sanity is overrated, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I’ve been doing the very thing that is the definition of insanity

doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result

I think I’m insane cuz I am afraid to change. I’m afraid of what I might lose in the process, so it’s easier to lose my mind than to lose stuph…

insane, right?

I tell myself that I’ll do this for this season, then I’ll change things up, but something always muddies the water for the season. I can’t quite tell when it ends and the new one begins, or someone “needs” me to help them in the transition, which never fully materializes.

So, I continue.

Doing the same thing.

Waiting for something to change.

Waiting for a release that in and of itself is waiting for me…

I’m insane

Maybe I need to give up on the changes that I think I need to make. Maybe that’s what really needs to happen. I don’t really think so, but then again, I’m insane, so it’s hard to know which decisions are the right ones…

Maybe the decisions I decide to make are the right ones…

Gotta be better than no decision at all…

Not sure what I will do with this yet, cuz, well, I’m insane, but hopefully, sooner rather than later I will muster up the courage to do what I need to do.

And then, hopefully, i won’t be insane.

4 Replies to “Pillars of Fire: Insanity”

  1. HI Ken,

    Love this post, mainly because I identify with it so. I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never not be insane. I realize the more I deny the insanity, the more it tries to make it’s presence known. I decided to befriend it, stop calling it ugly names and let it teach me what it is I am really wanting or needing…trying to tame the wild beast rather than kill it off because that just doesn’t work for me.

    There are sparks of genius in my insanity so I try to catch them when I can, handle them gently and carefully so they don’t catch fire and consume everything in range, nurture them so that they glow rather than rage.

    From one insane person to another, no matter what happens, never stop loving your self through the process.

    Much love ♥

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