I went to the doctor on Saturday to get some xrays. I’ve been having some back pain, and my doctor wanted to take a deeper look. No big deal, I was in pain, but not debiliated. I knew that certain things would show up, because they had been there since I was a teenager. Again, no big deal…
I was called back in the room and the technician started the xrays. “One more”, she said, and I would be on my way to take care of the rest of my day. Now I know that they can see the shots before they go to the doctors, but they are bound to keep quiet about anything they see, no matter how bad or crazy it is. It is up to the doctor to tell the patient what is wrong, not the tech.
As she was looking at the final film, she casually threw out a question that stuck with me throughout the weekend: “Have you had any neck trauma?” I knew I had not, but why was she asking me that now? What was she seeing? Maybe I had something and forgot about it. Maybe my back was worse than I thought. Although I was “in motion” for the rest of the day, it was hard to not be paralyzed by her question.
Some things do paralyze us. It’s like when your boss tells you that they have to meet with you tomorrow… Ugh! I have no context for the meeting, and for the next 24 hours, all I can do is think about being in trouble for something. I hate that paralyzing feeling, and it is always a struggle to get past it. I have vowed, however that the tech’s question was not going to determine my destiny.
Fear is a powerful thing. Sometimes it is good, but most of the time it stops us from being who we are really made to be. It keeps us in “safe” places, not moving forward, not trying new things, not living life. Research says that people would rather die than speak in front of a crowd, because of fear. How interesting that we would prefer dead silence to living conversation…
One of my core scriptures is II Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Through my life, I have developed a lot of reasons to fear. Rejection, failure, low self esteem, comparing myself with others, and yet, when I do end up facing my fears, they appear more like an old toothless lion – look very scary, but have no ability to really hurt me.
I’ve written about facing my fears in the Fear of Writing blog a couple of times. Ironically, I was afraid both times I wrote… I guess that makes the pieces authentic 🙂 . Writing about it definitely helps. So does talking about it, and sharing it with others who are close to you. Sharing is good, because it gets right at the heart of one of fear’s main tactics – making you feel like you are all alone in your struggle. Once you know that there are others like you out there, it becomes so much easier to deal with, especially if you can see how others have successfully gotten past the fear.
So, I’m on a mission… a mission to, as “superhero J” likes to put it, leap, and your net will appear. A mission to not only face my fears, but to blow past them toward my goal of being me. A mission to not let my fears paralyze me. A mission to live with a spirit of power, love and sound mind.
I decided then, and continue to decide that I won’t let the tech’s question dominate my thinking. I’m pushing past my fear of writing too. Two down, and one by one, I’ll conquer the rest.
How are you dealing with your fears? What are you doing to get past them? I can bet that you are not alone in your quest.
Here’s to your mission!
Love, love, love this! Yes, fear is a toothless lion yet can make a lot of noise, just as big bullies are wont to do. It helps to remember, even when we feel the blast of air from his roar as we go by, that he’s equally, possibly even more, afraid of what awaits him.
Thanks for the encouragement to keep moving, and the reminder to share with others, for it makes us less afraid and encourages them as well. Love you!
Blast of air from his roar as we go by . I love that, that we don’t have to be stuck listening to the roar, but we can “go by”. And I love that I have people like you to help share the load.
thanks again sis,
I love this! 😀 And it is my hope that your fear regarding that tech’s remark is nothing more than imaginary monsters under the bed.
For years I had a quote I put up on my bulletin board that said these words, “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” It reminded me that courage isn’t the absence of fear. Indeed, what would be the need for courage without fear being present? It is “girding our loins” in the face of our fear.
I have learned that fear is me walking around with nightmares in my head, and fear generally makes things appear bigger and scarier than they actually are in reality. So I have been in the practice for years of asking the Holy Spirit to restore me to my right mind, to correct my perceptions, which is what you quoted in Timothy. Without fail, believing the way I do, if I still myself, not let fear get the upper hand, the Holy Spirit comes through. Always.
this is sooooo goood! I love your approach to dealing with the fear, and seeing it as imaginary monsters :-). The nightmares do indeed make things appear bigger. I’m glad our Father gives us the ability to see through that, to realize that we are more than conquerors in Him. Thanks for this 🙂
Very timely, Ken. I have a meeting with my boss first thing tomorrow morning with a bunch of unknowns. Although I have some idea of what it’s about, I don’t know what it will be in terms of the end result. A spirit of power, love and of a sound mind…His peace and knowing to whom I belong would serve well as a “go to” thought and belief, as well as to press into His love and His perspective and reality for my life.
What comes to mind is the acronym, Fear is -> False Evidence Appearing Real.
I’ll be praying that very thing for you Peggy. Oh, and that the meeting goes extremely well 🙂
False evidence appearing real… very apropos acronym
Of course I love this post. I’m not sure which of us is Grasshopper and which is Master, but we are both getting the lesson. (Still… I want to know what she saw, damn it. When do you find out?)
They call me Mr. Grasshopper! 🙂
I did get the results back. A lot of doctor-speak to tell me things about my back that I already knew, and that I have to wait for a couple more weeks to see if the medicine will work. At least there’s no talk of cutting me open, so I consider that a plus 🙂
No wonder FDR said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
We’re spending time wasted on obsessing on things and not doing them to avoid feeling the fear of actually doing it. But while we’re obsessing, we’re feeling fear anyway! So why not go ahead and push past the fear and make it worth it? Sometimes easier said than done. But something to strive for. 🙂
A really thought provoking post Kenneth. Thanks so much for your insights!
catherine
Isn’t that the truth? Fear doesn’t go away because we hide, it grows. So just jump in. I remember on my honeymoon, there was a group of us standing around the pool, which for some reason was not heated (it was downright freezing). Everyone was afraid to get in because it was too cold. I got tired of waiting and took the big dive… jumped right out in the center of the icy water. Surprisingly, within minutes, everyone else did too, and we forgot all about the cold. Now, personally, i would have rather had a nice warm pool, but I wouldn’t trade the fun of the group for being alone in a warm pool. 🙂
I am working hard to face my fears, too — both personally and professionally. It’s a long and tough road. But reading others’ experiences, like this, and remembering that we all struggle with facing our fear, makes it a lot easier along the way. I’m with you on the mission.
We’re walking this road together Julia. Fear can’t do nothing to us 🙂
Most of the time, I feel like a great big kid, and I think this makes my fears seem so much larger than they are. It’s nice to know that there are others out there struggling with the same fears I am.
Thank you for posting this!
Lois
Thank you, Lois. I’m with you… feeling like I’m 5 years old with the monster in the closet. Hearing you, and me and others say “oh, you too?” makes it so much more bearable.
That is so true! 🙂