I went to the doctor on Saturday to get some xrays. I’ve been having some back pain, and my doctor wanted to take a deeper look. No big deal, I was in pain, but not debiliated. I knew that certain things would show up, because they had been there since I was a teenager. Again, no big deal…
I was called back in the room and the technician started the xrays. “One more”, she said, and I would be on my way to take care of the rest of my day. Now I know that they can see the shots before they go to the doctors, but they are bound to keep quiet about anything they see, no matter how bad or crazy it is. It is up to the doctor to tell the patient what is wrong, not the tech.
As she was looking at the final film, she casually threw out a question that stuck with me throughout the weekend: “Have you had any neck trauma?” I knew I had not, but why was she asking me that now? What was she seeing? Maybe I had something and forgot about it. Maybe my back was worse than I thought. Although I was “in motion” for the rest of the day, it was hard to not be paralyzed by her question.
Some things do paralyze us. It’s like when your boss tells you that they have to meet with you tomorrow… Ugh! I have no context for the meeting, and for the next 24 hours, all I can do is think about being in trouble for something. I hate that paralyzing feeling, and it is always a struggle to get past it. I have vowed, however that the tech’s question was not going to determine my destiny.
Fear is a powerful thing. Sometimes it is good, but most of the time it stops us from being who we are really made to be. It keeps us in “safe” places, not moving forward, not trying new things, not living life. Research says that people would rather die than speak in front of a crowd, because of fear. How interesting that we would prefer dead silence to living conversation…
One of my core scriptures is II Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Through my life, I have developed a lot of reasons to fear. Rejection, failure, low self esteem, comparing myself with others, and yet, when I do end up facing my fears, they appear more like an old toothless lion – look very scary, but have no ability to really hurt me.
I’ve written about facing my fears in the Fear of Writing blog a couple of times. Ironically, I was afraid both times I wrote… I guess that makes the pieces authentic 🙂 . Writing about it definitely helps. So does talking about it, and sharing it with others who are close to you. Sharing is good, because it gets right at the heart of one of fear’s main tactics – making you feel like you are all alone in your struggle. Once you know that there are others like you out there, it becomes so much easier to deal with, especially if you can see how others have successfully gotten past the fear.
So, I’m on a mission… a mission to, as “superhero J” likes to put it, leap, and your net will appear. A mission to not only face my fears, but to blow past them toward my goal of being me. A mission to not let my fears paralyze me. A mission to live with a spirit of power, love and sound mind.
I decided then, and continue to decide that I won’t let the tech’s question dominate my thinking. I’m pushing past my fear of writing too. Two down, and one by one, I’ll conquer the rest.
How are you dealing with your fears? What are you doing to get past them? I can bet that you are not alone in your quest.
Here’s to your mission!